A Sleepless Night and a Beautiful Morning
Yesterday, after dinner, I went to sleep quite early, around 10:30 PM. I was sleeping peacefully until around 12:30 AM when my colleagues returned from Oman. One of them came into our room, and they switched on the lights while talking with my roommate.
I’m someone who can’t sleep properly when the lights are on, so my sleep was disturbed. I was half asleep until they finally went back to their room. Once the lights were off again, I managed to fall asleep.
I woke up around 6:15–6:30 AM, freshened up, and went downstairs to wait for my Pappa’s call. Before sleeping the previous night, I had become emotional thinking about how lucky I was to have someone like her. I even sent her a few voice notes thanking her for being in my life, although I honestly don’t remember everything I said because I was already half asleep.
When she called in the morning, she laughed and asked me why I had suddenly become so emotional. She even repeated a few things I had said in those voice notes, and I was embarrassed because I barely remembered them. We both laughed, spoke about random things, and the entire conversation was filled with smiles until she reached her office.
A Quiet Day That Didn’t Feel Right
After ending the call, I returned to my room, boiled a couple of eggs, took a shower, and got ready. I wasn’t in the mood to go downstairs and work, so I decided to stay in my room itself. I don’t know why, but from the moment I woke up, I had a strange feeling that the day wasn’t going to be a good one.
My work wasn’t very heavy today. I only had a few bugs to fix, so I spent most of the morning quietly working from my room. Around lunchtime, my Pappa called me, and we started talking as usual.
Before ending our morning call, I had asked her to block her ex-boyfriend. She had told me that he had called her the previous night, and I felt there was no reason for him to stay in her life anymore. She agreed and said she would block him.
During lunch, however, she sent me screenshots of their SMS conversation. Instead of blocking him immediately, she had replied asking why he had called and what he wanted. The moment I saw those screenshots, I felt disappointed because I had asked her to block him for her own peace, not because I wanted to control her.
I requested her again to block him, and eventually she did. Even though the conversation during lunch became normal afterward, that small incident had already affected both of our moods.
One Snap That Changed My Mood
After lunch, she went back to work, and a little while later she sent me a Snap. It was a picture of one of her male colleagues.
The moment I saw it, something inside me hurt. This wasn’t the first time. Earlier too, she had posted another Snap where a colleague appeared, and even then I had told her that it made me feel insecure because she had never posted me even once.
It may sound like a very small thing, but my mind started asking questions. Why am I not in that place? Why can another man appear in her Snap while I’ve never had that chance? I know she loves me deeply and takes wonderful care of me, but somehow this one small thing kept hurting me.
I started wondering if she was hesitant to let others know that I was her boyfriend. Was she worried about what people would think? Or was I simply overthinking? My thoughts kept running in circles, and I couldn’t stop them.
The Conversation That Became a Fight
I finally told her how I felt. I explained that it wasn’t about the Snap itself; it was about the feeling of never getting that small space in her life publicly. She became upset and reminded me of an old incident that was similar, saying she’d explain it later.
What made me emotional was that I’m the kind of person who gives everything to one person. Once I love someone, I don’t feel the need to give that kind of attention to anyone else. I don’t keep other girls’ photos, I don’t take unnecessary pictures with them, and if I ever do for work, I delete them immediately.
I always want my Pappa to feel proud that her man values only her. Naturally, I expected the same feeling from her. That’s why even something as small as a Snap affected me so much.
When she started leaving the office, we spoke again. She apologized, but I still couldn’t speak normally because those thoughts hadn’t left my mind. I didn’t want to fight, but I couldn’t hide how I was feeling either.
More Thoughts That Stayed Inside Me
While we were talking, she mentioned that she had been chatting with one of my colleagues in the office. I have never stopped her from speaking with him because he’s someone I trust and someone who has supported me through difficult times.
But hearing how comfortably they spoke reminded me of something from the past. When I was still in the office with her, she would avoid talking to me openly because she didn’t want rumors before her job became permanent. I completely respected that and maintained the same distance for her sake.
Now, hearing that she could comfortably talk with my colleague in front of everyone made me wonder why things couldn’t have been that way with me. I wasn’t blaming either of them, but deep inside I felt like I had missed those small moments that I always wished for.
She noticed something was wrong and eventually tears filled her eyes. The moment I saw her cry, I immediately stopped talking about everything. I kept asking her what had happened and tried my best to make her smile again, but I could see she was deeply hurt.
Understanding Each Other Again
She finally told me that my words reminded her of her past relationship. During the beginning of our relationship, she had once said that she was scared I might become like her ex-boyfriend. Hearing that again hurt me deeply because I had promised her that I would never become that person.
I apologized immediately and told her that if I had unknowingly made her feel that way, I was truly sorry. From that moment onward, my only goal was to make her smile again, but I could still see the sadness on her face until she reached home.
After reaching my room, I started texting her. I explained that it wasn’t her mistake. I had simply let my emotions build up because of the Snap, the conversations with my colleague, and everything else that had been running through my mind.
She asked me one question that broke my heart.
“Do you think I don’t love you?”
Without even thinking, I replied that I could never believe that. I know how much she loves me. She sacrifices so much for me every single day, and one small misunderstanding could never erase everything she has done for me.
Ending the Day Peacefully
A little later, she found a small moment when her brother had gone to pick up her mother, and she video called me. She apologized again and again, saying everything was her mistake.
I told her that it wasn’t. I explained that I had simply been hurt because of my own feelings, not because she had intentionally done something wrong. I asked her not to think of herself as the person who caused all of this.
Before ending the conversation, I told her that we shouldn’t carry this fight into another day. If we kept holding onto it, both of us would only keep hurting ourselves. So we decided to leave everything behind and start fresh.
By then, it was around 7:30 PM here in Dubai. I planned to have dinner, sleep early, and wait for tomorrow with a fresh mind. Looking back, I realized something interesting — last Friday we had a fight, and it was raining in Chennai. This Friday too, it was raining there, and once again we argued.
The only difference was that last week’s fight ended with warm smiles, while today’s ended a little differently. Even so, I still believe that misunderstandings are a part of every relationship. They teach us to understand each other better, remove our ego, and remind us how deeply we actually love each other.
If anything unexpected happens tonight, I’ll write about it in tomorrow’s diary.
Good night, everyone. ❤️