Yesterday, after having my dinner, I went to sleep immediately. My Pappa also messaged me saying that she was going to sleep because she was very tired. After reading her message, I slept almost instantly.
During the night, I couldn’t sleep properly. I woke up around 4 A.M., then again at 5 A.M., and once more at 6 A.M. Every time I tried to sleep again, I somehow woke up after a while. Finally, I decided there was no point forcing myself to sleep anymore.
I freshened up and went downstairs to wait for my Pappa’s call. Usually, I receive her call around the same time every morning, but today it was a little delayed. She texted me saying that her brother was dropping her at the bus stop, so I waited patiently.
Every morning begins with her “Good Morning” message, and honestly, that one message is enough to make my entire day feel brighter. The moment I see it, I automatically feel that today is going to be a happy day. It has slowly become my favorite part of every morning.
Once she reached the bus stop, she called me and we started talking. Today was her brother’s birthday, so we discussed the perfume that we had planned to buy for him yesterday. The conversation was smooth, fun, and just like every other beautiful morning we spend together.
Meanwhile, I was also trying something new today. Since our video calls have been lagging so much recently, I searched for another VPN that could give us a better connection. After trying a few options, I found ProtonVPN, installed it, and connected using one of the free servers.
To my surprise, it actually worked much better. There were only one or two small lags throughout the call, which was a huge improvement compared to before. I explained everything to my Pappa and told her that if it continued working well, we could purchase the Pro version since it only costs around ₹100 per month.
We continued talking happily and shared a few random topics. I also told her that I had bought bread and peanut butter yesterday so that I could stop skipping breakfast. She smiled and said it would taste good, which made me feel even more motivated to maintain the habit.
Before entering her office, she told me that she didn’t know how to order the perfume online. So I helped her place the order, and once everything was done, she went inside to start her work. It was also time for me to get ready for my day.
After returning to my room, I lay down for a few minutes watching reels before getting ready. Then I prepared my breakfast using the bread and peanut butter that I had bought yesterday. Honestly, it tasted much better than I expected.
After breakfast, I decided to experiment with the eggs I had bought. Instead of frying them and wasting oil, I tried boiling two eggs in the electric kettle. The YouTube videos claimed it would take only five minutes, but in reality, it took almost twelve minutes before they were fully boiled.
Once breakfast was over, I went downstairs and started working on my tasks. I had a demo scheduled for the Project Delivery Module around 2 P.M., so I planned my day accordingly. I thought I would first speak with my Pappa during lunch, attend the demo, and then have my own lunch.
Luckily, my Pappa finished her lunch a little early and called me before my meeting started. We spoke for a while, laughed about a few random topics, and she shared everything that had happened during her morning at the office. She was also happy because the person who usually assigns her many tasks wasn’t around today, so she expected a slightly lighter workload.
After ending the call, I joined the demo meeting. Unfortunately, the PMO informed me that he had another meeting and asked me to wait for a while. I was slightly irritated because if I had known earlier, I could have had my lunch peacefully instead of waiting.
So I went back to my room to rest for a few minutes. While I was there, I casually asked my roommate when our founders and teammates who had gone to Oman would be returning. His answer was something I never expected to hear…
While we were talking, my roommate mentioned that the founders and the other team members who had gone to Oman would be leaving from there that afternoon and reaching Dubai by night. I felt relieved because he also said that the founder would be flying directly from Oman to Chennai for around ten days. I was happy thinking we would have a few peaceful days without much pressure.
But the very next thing he said completely changed my mood.
He told me that there were discussions saying my roommate and I might have to stay in Dubai for another two months. It wasn’t official, and nothing had been confirmed yet. It was simply a discussion that had happened, but hearing even that possibility made my heart stop for a second.
I just froze.
Thousands of thoughts started running through my mind. My breathing became heavy, and I couldn’t even think properly. I simply sat there holding the Jesus chain that my Pappa had given me and started praying.
The first thing that came into my mind was,
“Please don’t let this happen.”
I don’t want to stay here.
There is no reason for me to stay in Dubai anymore. I’m a developer, and all the people here are from the sales team. The reason I was brought here was to help them adapt to the product I developed, and that work is already done. I honestly feel there is no need for me to stay here anymore.
I just want to go back to India.
I have my grandpa’s treatment to take care of. I miss my family. More than anything, I miss my Pappa every single day. I don’t like the food here, I don’t like this place, and I don’t feel happy here anymore.
Even though I’m someone who usually doesn’t believe much in God, at that moment I started praying to every God I could think of.
I kept saying,
“Please… this is the first thing I’m asking. Let me go back to India. Please don’t make me stay here.”
After a few minutes, the PMO called me for the demo. I somehow joined the meeting, but my mind wasn’t there at all. I was speaking very fast, my words were getting mixed up, and I wasn’t able to explain things properly like I usually do. Somehow, I managed to finish the demo in around fifteen minutes.
By the time the meeting ended, my lunch had already arrived.
I came back to my room, opened the food, and stared at it for a while. I wasn’t hungry anymore. My mind was completely occupied with that one piece of news.
I forced myself to eat a little.
I could only finish half of the biryani. The remaining half went into the dustbin because I simply couldn’t eat anymore. Even though nothing had been officially announced, just hearing that there was a chance was enough to completely disturb me.
After lunch, I went downstairs again.
To make things even worse, my Plot subscription had expired, so I couldn’t continue my development work either. I had already raised a request for the invoice payment, but it still hadn’t been processed. Everything that could possibly go wrong today seemed to be happening one after another.
At that moment, I didn’t know whether I should tell my Pappa about this.
If I told her, I knew she would worry.
If I hid it from her and something actually happened later, it would hurt her even more.
For me, a relationship should never have secrets.
I don’t believe in keeping important things hidden from the person we love. If she’s going to become my wife, then everything in my life belongs to her as well. There shouldn’t be any privacy when it comes to things that affect both of us.
So I decided that I would tell her when she left the office.
Until then, I acted normal in our chats. I didn’t want to spoil her work or make her worry while she was still at the office. I just waited for the evening, hoping I would find the right moment to explain everything calmly.
Today, she left the office around fifteen minutes earlier than usual.
She told me that she would call once she reached her first stop because her colleague was still with her. I kept looking at the live location she shared with me, waiting for the moment she would reach so we could finally talk.
Every few seconds, I checked the map.
Finally, I received her message.
“Shall I call?”
I immediately connected the VPN and called her within a couple of seconds.
Before saying anything else, I told her,
“Please don’t worry. This isn’t official. It’s only something I heard during a discussion. Nothing has been confirmed.”
Then I explained everything from the beginning.
The moment I looked at her face, I knew she was trying to stay strong.
She didn’t say much.
But I know her.
We’ve only been together for a few months, yet I can understand her feelings just by looking at her eyes, her expressions, and the way she speaks. Everything about her face told me she was worried.
So I kept trying to convince her.
I told her that I wouldn’t let this happen if I had a choice. I explained that I don’t like staying here either. I reminded her that I wanted to return to India, be with my family, complete my grandpa’s treatment, and most importantly, be with her.
While saying all this, I was struggling to control my tears.
I didn’t want to cry in front of her.
I somehow managed to hold myself together…
While we were speaking, she slowly reached her stop. I wished time would slow down because I still had so much left to tell her. But before I could finish, she had already arrived. I asked her to call her brother to pick her up, and after a few minutes, he came and took her home.
Before ending the call, I kept telling her, “Please don’t worry. Nothing has happened yet, and I won’t let this happen easily.” My Pappa, however, said something that broke my heart. She told me that she had already prepared herself for the worst because she didn’t want to keep building hopes that might get broken later.
Hearing those words made it even harder for me to control my emotions. We had planned so many things for my return to India. We had already decided that after I came back, we would spend the first two days together and make up for all the time we had missed. Just one unofficial piece of information was enough to shake all those dreams.
By then, it was around 6:15 P.M. My work was also stuck because the Plot subscription had expired, and until the invoice was paid, I couldn’t continue developing anything. I knew I wouldn’t be able to concentrate even if I tried. My only thought was how to convince my Pappa that everything would be okay.
I knew she was trying to hide her emotions from me. She didn’t want me to worry even more, so she kept pretending that she was alright. But I know her too well. She was carrying all those worries inside herself just to make me feel stronger, and that realization hurt me even more.
After the call ended, I went out for a cup of tea because I felt completely drained. I thought stepping outside would make me feel a little better, but nothing changed. I watched reels, tried watching movies, even thought about installing games like PUBG, even though I’m not someone who enjoys gaming. I was simply trying to distract myself, but nothing worked.
The only thing my mind kept asking was, “What if it really happens?”
If someone had asked me seven months ago whether I wanted to stay in Dubai for a longer time, I probably would have said yes without thinking twice. But everything changed after my Pappa came into my life. Today, I don’t want promotions, opportunities, or a longer stay here. I just want to go back home and be with her.
She has changed my life completely. The comfort, peace, and care she gives me are things I never experienced before. Even while we were speaking today, she was hiding her own pain because she didn’t want me to become more worried. I kept wondering how someone could sacrifice so much just to protect another person’s feelings.
Sometimes I honestly feel that she isn’t just precious—she is beyond value. She isn’t gold or a diamond. She’s something I can never compare with anything else. Every day, I silently thank God for bringing her into my life because meeting someone like her feels like receiving a blessing I never expected.
My past relationship taught me many painful lessons, but this relationship has taught me what genuine care feels like. If I had still been in my previous relationship, I probably wouldn’t have cared much about staying in Dubai. But today, I hate this place simply because it keeps me away from the person I love the most.
I don’t want anything else. I just want to hug my Pappa, hold her hand, and spend ordinary days with her. Even imagining another two months away from her feels unbearable. The thought itself is enough to break me.
Later in the evening, my roommate and I went for a cup of coffee. I hoped it would make me feel better, but even after coming back, my mind was exactly where it had been all day. I quietly started eating the dinner I had bought in the afternoon, although I hardly had any appetite.
Meanwhile, my Pappa texted me saying that her hand was hurting again. That message hurt me even more because I wasn’t there beside her. Every morning she struggles, travels long distances, works the entire day, and now even her hand was hurting. All I wanted was to be there to take care of her.
She wanted to continue chatting with me, but I asked her to stop typing and go to sleep. I didn’t want her hand to hurt even more just because she wanted to stay awake talking to me. I wished her good night and asked her to take proper rest.
After that, I tried watching a movie, hoping it would distract me from everything that had happened today. But deep inside, I already knew that nothing could truly make me feel better except one piece of news.
The only thing that can heal my mind now is hearing that I’m returning to India on August 6 as originally planned. Nothing else will give me peace. Until that happens, I’ll continue hoping, praying, and doing everything I can to make sure it becomes reality.
Tonight, after finishing this blog, I held the Jesus chain my Pappa gave me and cried. I held it tightly and prayed with all my heart. I don’t usually pray, but today I asked every God to hear just one request—please let me return to India. Please let the founders themselves decide to send me back.
This is the first time in my life that I’ve cried so much for someone. Not because of anger or disappointment, but because I realized how much she means to me. She has become my home, and without her, even a beautiful place feels empty.
Thank you, God, if you’re listening.
Thank you, Pappa, for trusting me, standing beside me, and loving me the way you do.
After publishing today’s blog, I’ll try to sleep. I don’t know whether sleep will come easily tonight, but I’ll try my best. I just hope tomorrow brings better news.